By: Laura Parente-Comsa
A while back, we received a call from a woman looking to book a stay at our Inn. She was very excited about staying on a farm and asked if I would supply her with a list of farm chores for her and her children to do everyday. She wanted a real farm experience like, as she put it, “waking up with the sun, feeding the chickens, gathering eggs and milking the goats.”
I explained to her that we were not quite what she was looking for (we don’t let guests do chores and none of our animals wake up with the sun)…but I got to thinking how funny it would be to do a mock schedule of what a day would be like if you were caring for the goats.
This is intended to be humorous, but if you have met Ginger and Cinnamon, you know that I may not be too far off…
11am: Rise and shine. Ginger and Cinnamon will wake in about an hour, and you will need to prepare their brunch. The girls never rise before noon. They hit the Hay Bar hard last night and need to get their beauty sleep well into the early afternoon.
Before waking them, you will prepare their breakfast. They prefer this in liquid form and will each need a Bloody Mary. Ginger takes her’s with 3 shots of vodka and 2 spears of celery. Cinnamon prefers 2 shots of vodka, 1 spear of celery and four olives. Do NOT mess this up. They will push it away and refuse to get out of bed if it is not as they like.
12pm: Quietly enter their stall to wake them. Gently remove their sleep masks and slowly turn on lights so they can ease into the day. Spend a few minutes reminding them how beautiful they are and then show them the liquid breakfasts you have prepared. Allow them time to enjoy their beverages while you clean their stall and replace their bedding.
1pm: Ginger and Cinnamon will begin making their way to the beach they created by the pond shore. Please carry the umbrella and towels for them, and set them up at the shore. They do not like direct sunlight so you will need to move the umbrella throughout the afternoon in correlation with the sun. Do not slack on this! If Ginger gets a sunburn there will be hell to pay.
2pm: The girls will be taking their lunch. For lunch they request apple slices with a side of honey, and 2 strawberry daiquiris. It is very important that the apples are Pink Lady. Granny Smiths are too tart for them. Make sure you slice them in 1-inch segments. Each daiquiri should have 2 shots of dark imported rum.
4pm: The girls will take another daiquiri.
6pm: At this time, please gather all of the beach supplies and return them to the barn. Ginger and Cinnamon will make their way to the Redneck Yacht Club for sunset cocktails and happy hour. They may argue with you that they want to take the boat out for a spin. Please remind them that because of their liquid diets it is best that they aren’t operating boats at this time. The arguing usually subsides once you bring them their happy hour snack of mixed nuts and a bottle of chardonnay.
8pm: Ginger and Cinnamon enjoy watching the sunset. Please make sure they both have proper eyewear for viewing. Ginger’s sunglasses have the red rims, and Cinnamon’s have the white rims. Ginger often attempts to steal Cinnamon’s so do keep an eye on this.
Oh, and both girls will take another glass of Chardonnay
9pm: Evening is here and it’s hot tub time! You are more than welcome to take a break while the girls unwind and relax, but please hide Ginger’s cigarettes before leaving them alone. We have been trying desperately to get her to quit. If she puts up a fight just get her to start gossipping. This usually distracts her. .
10pm: Dinner…yes, the girls prefer to dine on a European schedule. They will take a large helping of molasses, oats, filet mignon and lobster tails. Oh yes, and a Cosmopolitan for Ginger and Apple Martini for Cinnamon. After dinner please clean up and offer dessert. They usually go light with a glass of prosecco and assorted fruits.
11pm: The girls will hit up the hay bar for dancing with friends. Do not let them get on the stage. Please oh please keep them off the stage…BAH-ing karaoke is not pleasant for anyone.
2am: Wrangle them in and put them to bed. They may fight you with this, but just remind them that they need their beauty sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and they will get to do the same thing all over again. This usually calms them to sleep. Make sure they have their sleep masks on, and place a glass of water (with lemon) by their bed. Gently dim the lights and quietly exit.
This concludes your day of caring for the goats. We thank you very much for your help.
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